Confused Ministers of Pakistan

pakistanPakistan has less clarity in the matters of importance. From sending terrorists to India to abusing the umpires in cricket match against India there is always contradictory positions in the corridors of power. Some of the powerful people there are indulging in grabbing limelight by speaking out against India. This trend continues although it damages the nation in total.

The Times of India writes (10 October 2009)

“I never apologise!” exclaimed Sergius, a character in G B Shaw’s play Arms and the Man. Jamshed Dasti, Pakistani MP, is no Sergius. The bomb he
dropped about match fixing has turned out a dud. Now sorry, he denies accusing Pakistani cricketers of sinking a Champions Trophy game against Australia to spite arch-rival India. Was his cartwheel inspired by gymnast Musharraf? The ex-prez recently sang about Pakistan’s aid diversion towards (jihadi?) Arms and the Jackbooted Man. Then, he hit denial mode. So, who made up the match-fixing story? Pakistani officials, not to worry, have exposed India’s malevolent media as the conspirator. Was any whodunnit ever cracked with such deductive finesse?

Hell, yes. Take Pakistan’s ‘mystery’ semi-finals defeat against New Zealand. A minister from Sindh blew the lid on this so speedily it would shame Miss Marple. India, he declared, avenged their Champions Trophy exit by turning umpires against Pakistan. This made coach Intikhab Alam ask: why play at all with plotters against our boys? Pakistan’s generals and snoops may bowl a similar googly at dis-Armed and Invisible Man Zardari: why do jaw-jaw with a neighbour accusing us of forcing Taliban to choose between jail and jihad? Aren’t we busy fighting Uncle Sam’s wars (and stingy US senators Kerry & Lugar besides)?

If only conspiracy theorists on both sides of the border would stop squinting at the wrong places. With countless international plots yet to be unravelled, who better to help than the subcontinent’s habitual and highly specialised sniffers of skunk? For starters: an Israeli-Palestinian intrigue concerning aphrodisiacal Arms and the Woman. One side is accused of targeting the other with progesterone-filled bubble gum for schoolgirls. Imagine the Mideast peace dividends if Indo-Pak sleuths burst that bubble. There’s also the mystery of Bio-Arms and the Lab Man. AIDS to H1N1, all are suspected to be genocidal schemes of CIA sickos, closet KGB, Sino-sneaks and the like. Dig for truth, and the planet may be cured of jitterbugs.

Then, instead of squabbling over LoCs and nukes, the neighbours could jointly find snappy answers to profound questions. Like: was man on the moon an optical illusion generated by evil space racers? Is Hollywood menaced by ET-worshippers whose takeover mission isn’t impossible (prime suspect: Tom Cruise)? Is fried chicken the Ku Klux Klan’s secret weapon? Finally, was conspiracy researcher David Icke right in saying we’re ruled by reptilian humanoids from the constellation Draco? Everybody, he warned, is one of ‘Them’, from British royals to America’s political sweethearts. Ickes!

Wanted: subcontinental Bond-ing to save the world. Any light on these protean bogeymen will cure more angst worldwide than exposing queered pitches in a cricket tour that wasn’t even big on TRP. Let the good neighbours ask each other: if we’re both victims of Draco-nian Arms and the Lizard Man, whose side are you on?

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